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Author Topic: New 7summits.com Everest dictionary  (Read 9492 times)

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New 7summits.com Everest dictionary
« on: Oct 26 2005, 03:07 »

As an aid to understanding our terminology-filled professional updates, we have decided to explain some of the most commonly used terms about climbing Everest.

ABC: a place Above BaseCamp, any place will do, so one meter should be enough to say you have reached ABC.

Acclimatisation: getting used to headaches, lack of appetite and bad smells.

Balcony (the): nice viewpoint where many bottles are being emptied.

Basecamp: place to sleep near mountain but still far from any real climbing. Resort with abundant luxury.

Not to be mistaken with:

Base-Camp: wearing old fashioned clothes and acting like Reinhold messner, with suitable beard.

Basecamp depression: once back down in basecamp realizing it is not the real world, nor the summit. Mental killer, creating card-playing zombies with no interest in climbing whatsoever.

BC: see Basecamp

Crevasse: fancy french name for huge crack in ice, usually covered with snow for entertainment purposes. Mostly succesfully crossed by use of ladders or ignorance.

Crampon: tool to slice expensive clothing, mostly worn on feet. Name comes from the cramp you get in your shoulders when you put them on.

Down suit: Wearable sleeping bag, filled with goosehair. Unlike the name suggests mostly used when going up.

FBC: Fat Bastards Club. Collection of western climbers eating more than they climb.

HAFE: High Altitude Flatulation Exhaustion. Getting sick of fellow climbers smelling and sounding terribly bad.

HAFood: Short for High Altitude food. Weirdly enough you will eat this stuff -which you would not touch with a 6ft pole at sea level- at the moment that your appetite is at an all time low and you do not digest anything anyway. Also used to fix stone walls around tents.

Jumar: gravity fighting device that ruins ropes (see 'Ropes') and supplies interesting movements when frozen. Has taken over from ice-axe (see 'Ice-axe') as leading metal item used for climbing. Female Bollywood climbers doing the shoulder-shake use them in full effect when used in pairs.

Ice-axe: Old fashioned tool used to hit ice and snow for interesting sounds ('Thud', 'tsjak'). One sharp end for killing Yeti's (see 'Yeti'), one scoop end for ruining down suits (see 'Down Suits'). Now replaced with Jumar (see 'Jumar'). Mostly used for summit pictures only, on Everest.

Mushroom rock: very wrong music, some people are allergic to it.

Oxygen: substance that makes iron burn. Sold in bottles for home experiments.

RBGAN: Right Before Going, Another Newsletter.

Rope(s): long thin items to tie climbers to mountains. Mutual attraction with crampons (see 'crampon').

Satphone: short for Satellite phone, also known as EWUC, Electrical Wireless Umbilical Cord, for 24/7 contact with homefront.

Sherpa: climbing instructor and professional without matching ego and salary. Useful for helping realize dreams without having to give credit.

Steps:
- First step: getting out of bed in the morning, with headache and full bladder
- Second step: empty your pee bottle and take aspirin
- Third step: get back into bed, wait for better times
- Hillary step: sudden funky move, as when stung by bees in behind

Yeti: Career killer for Tirolean mountaineers. Lives in cave just past middle camp on Tibet side.

Hope this will help you understand more about the intelligently written reports of our endeavours on the mountain :8
Logged
"He who climbs upon the highest mountains laughs at all tragedies, real or imaginary." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
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