Signs You've Chosen the Wrong Mount Everest Guide:

[7summits]

- The last three days, all you've had to eat is s'mores.
- Every morning greets the group with, "Wonder who'll die today?"
- Doesn't worry about provisions, as there's bound to be a Starbucks or McDonald's every half mile or so.
- Gets lost in the "Sherpa Shack" gift shop.
- Makes everyone do upside down shots off the St. Bernard's collar.
- First day's preparation devoted entirely to making snow angels.
- Every 10 minutes, stops and yells, "RICOLA."
- Throws a fit when her stiletto heel gets stuck in the ice.
- Has everyone stick their tongues to a cherry popsicle "for practice."
- Keeps repeating, "Is it me, or is it cold up here?"
- "Map, schmap -- you see the top from here!!"
- Two words: Golf Clubs.
- Forgets to wear socks with his sandals.
- Keeps using the oxygen tanks to make balloon animals.
- Every so often, turns and screams, "Stop following me!"
- Squeezes your ass then yells, "Hey, if we get stranded we can live off Tubby here for a week!"
(from http://www.mnteverest.net/climb13.htm)